A whole year 365day so far since June 4th since my son was taken away from us, who ever said time is a healer is talking rubbish all time does is one gets use to not living with love on who has pass away but still I find it hard not living with my son, there a yearning in my soul in the core of my whole being that craves to hold my son in my arms ones again I look at photos of my son and that yearning comes to me , but its imposable for my imagination to even imagine not holding him or holding him it’s so confusing feeling that all I can do is break down cry .

This feeling came over me yesterday . Tuesday June 16 2010

I received a letter today telling me that my sons Inquest is finally going to happen on August the 16,( year after my son death ) so sad. But then as I was reading the letter my son partner rang she coming from Cardiff today with my grandson as she going to some party in the park in Summerset so I am looking after my grandson till Sunday it be joy to look after him, he so looks like his father .

Photo is of My mum dad brother and I at my brother first holy communion .

I had dream last night of my father who pass away in 02 he was telling me about his trip across Spain went, then I woke up within the same dream feeling sad and then my mum jump into bed with me I was telling her all about my dream of dad, but in the dream I did not realize mum was dead also in real life.

My mother pass away with cancer 6 weeks after my son was murdered, I had seem my son cold dead body while mum was passing slowly away with cancer . its the frist time in a year that I have dream of mum it was lovely seeing her in the dream so young health look . Mum waited for Anthony to be buried then in that same week we lay Anthony to rest I told mum the funeral happen few days later mum joined Anthony in death .

My son partner had her baby, life just been one rollercoaster of emotions confused thoughts feelings I don’t know how I am coping, but it’s been a year on now since my son was murdered I had forgotten all about this blog until I read of someone else death in an area near where I live, it sadden me deep within my heart to know that another life has been taken from a mother.